Is there something missing in your life?

• Do you find yourself going through the motions, your days bleeding into each other? 

• Is your life lacking vibrancy?

• Despite people all around you, do you often feel disconnected, even alone? 

• Do you desire a life filled with vitality?

• If you were shown the throttle for thriving, would you engage it?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, this book was written for you. 

After spending over twenty years studying the science of thriving, carefully analyzing associated theories and research-based practices, Dr. Trevor Petersen has drilled down to the underlying mechanism by which happiness is created. This book draws from the wisdom of the ages, contemporary psychology and neuroscience, cultural practices from around the world, and the lived experiences of hundreds of Dr. Petersen’s counseling clients, college students, family members, and friends to explain how happiness (i.e., regular joy, significant meaning, and elevated life satisfaction) can be cultivated every day of your life.

The solution is Overlap! An evidence-based approach, Overlap is the recipe for a happy life. By generously applying the practical elements of Overlap throughout each day, you will develop a depth of connection with other living things that will transform your life—filling it to the brim with vitality. With this recipe, happiness is now yours for the making. 

Will you choose to thrive?

Spectating vs. Snorkeling

To help explain Overlap, let’s start with a story. When I was a child, my family saved a good sum of money and flew across the United States from Washington state to Florida to visit my uncle. While there, we went to a beach in the Florida Keys. The landscape was brimming with palm trees, endless sand, bright sun, and shimmering water.

Upon arrival, I noticed many people speeding by on the highway, seemingly not even noticing the existence of the beach they just passed.

Others were sitting back under umbrellas on the shore, spectating at the activity along the beach.

Still others were walking along the edge of the water, getting their feet wet at times or wading up to their knees.

Then I noticed a final group farther out at sea snorkeling. They were diving down into the great, blue ocean to explore the reefs teeming with vibrant plant and animal life. They were closely interacting with and experiencing a new world of wonder and awe. When I, too, was able to put snorkeling gear on and, with my family, join this exploration up close, I was blown away by the joy that came from even temporarily interacting, uniting, and forming a relationship with more of the diversity and grandeur that life had to offer. There were so many different colors, shapes, textures, and motions. Energy and life were everywhere. I was filled with vitality.

Sitting and watching the water from the shore was nice, getting my legs wet up to my knees was refreshing, but neither provided near the enjoyment that came from being in, among, and with the rich profusion of life farther under the surface. Remembering this experience still brings a smile to my face.

The 4 Levels of Engagement with Life

Four important levels of engagement with life can be derived from this analogy: Passing, Spectating, Wading, and Overlapping. Which level you and I operate under may depend on the situation, but simply put, the more we are at level four the happier we’ll be.

1.   Passing is the lowest level. It is nonengagement. It is what we do when we are either oblivious to and/or rush past living things (defined later in this chapter) without connecting.

Walking past your neighbor sitting in their yard without stopping to engage is an example of Passing. So is consistently getting home too late from work to spend time with your partner. So is consistently overlooking your dog and not interacting with her. If we Pass by living things too often we can become like Rip Van Winkle in Washington Irving’s tale, who fell asleep for two decades of his adult life and thereby completely missed having years of meaningful relationships with his wife, kids, dog, and friends.59    

2.   Spectating is when we watch life happening from a distance but fail to more fully participate. We sit on the shore and observe others engaging, but we never get up to enter the water ourselves. We stay back in the stands and don’t step onto the court of life to engage in the match.

Watching your child practice basketball alone at the park instead of getting up and playing with her is an example of Spectating. So is viewing shows about others traveling and meeting interesting people and enjoying spectacular nature but never doing so yourself.

3.   Wading is the beginning of directly interacting with vitality in life, but still in a casual and superficial way. It is getting our feet wet but avoiding putting our heads under and committing to fully immerse ourselves in experiences and their associated relationships. It is limited to dabbling.

Sitting next to your partner on the couch and making an occasional comment to them while primarily scrolling through Instagram on your phone is an example of Wading. So is skimming a self-help book without pausing to ponder the personal application to your life or trying to incorporate what is relevant. Wading is like parallel play in children where they sit near each other and do something similar, like each building their own castle out of blocks, but they are not actually engaging directly with the other in a shared and coordinated activity.

4.   Overlapping is the highest level of engagement with living things—the ultimate! It is leaving the shallows and courageously diving deep down to immerse ourselves fully in a relationship with a living thing in the moment. It can occur on physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual levels, as well as an integration of these. It is qualitatively so much more than Passing, Spectating, or Wading. It is being all in.

The book Overlap: The Heart of Happiness will teach you the complete recipe for deeply engaging with living things because doing so upgrades our lives—by multiple levels!